Small Habits, Big Impact

Impact. Im always looking at the things in my world that cost me the most time, mental capacity and energy, and what it costs me. Im often looking at the smallest and easiest ways I can make the biggest impact in either giving myself more energy, having a stronger mindset or showing up better. While living a worthy life that feels good might seem like a tall feat, it usually isn't achieved by doing large, grandiose tasks. Often it's made up of small tasks that accumulate to worthwhile results, over time.

Most of you know that my full time job is coaching others to live their unreal lives with Glover U. Part of our mission with Glover U is not only to turn each and everyone of you into top notch business professionals, but to help make sure we aren't sacrificing quality of life to get there. This is a tough balance to achieve, since most goals worth achieving will require an amount of sacrifice to get there.

Today, I want to break it down from an Unreal Life to creating small, unreal moments. Or, at the very least, begin to create space for yourself to be able to realize + recognize what it is you truly want. See, part of the challenge with identifying + determining what an unreal life might look like to you comes from really never having the time or space to freely think about what that would look like for you before. Life happens and we get tied down with obligations coming from every which way, so the idea of actually sitting down and mapping out what an unreal life looks like for you might feel overwhelming or even silly. But here's what we need to remember. An Unreal Life is made up of smaller, unreal days. And unreal days are made up of unreal moments. And, well, unreal moments are made up of unreal choices. So, really, the first thing we need to really do in order to create an unreal life is to hold space for unreal moments in our days.

Again, the idea of holding space for ourselves in our day may seem silly, especially if we are guilty of waking up, grabbing our phones, and reacting to whatever is on the screen or whatever our family needs from us. We are all guilty of not being present to some degree, but how can we create a moment that's just for us?

Here are some of my favorite suggestions on how to create unreal moments in each and every day:

1. Wake up 15 minutes earlier (or before your family) to enjoy some quiet time by yourself to think, meditate, journal, pray, etc.

2. Consider starting a journaling habit. If the thought/idea of “what to write about” feels like a job to you, let’s just start with 10 things you’re grateful for daily!

3. When you’re having your lunch break, actually unplug for 30 minutes. Listen to a podcast you enjoy, read a book that has nothing to do with work. Let yourself actually mentally breathe for a moment.

4. Carve out some time for physical, movement meditation (aka exercise). When not torturous or painful, exercise can be a great way to meditate and tune out.

5. Consider “technology free” time where you unplug for the night, and consider implementing this at meal time, too. In short, find pockets of time where you can be more present on exactly what it is you’re doing or who you’re talking to.

6. Walk. Regardless of the temperature, bundle up, get the blood flowing and breathe in the fresh air for a quick 15 minute reset. You don't need equipment or a gym membership to walk, and walking daily still proves to be one of the easiest and most effective ways to help ensure a healthy life.

7. Consider a caffeine break. How much caffeine are you consuming on a daily basis? Does that still serve you? If you have been drowning yourself in the venti black coffee for long enough, chances are your adrenals and your blood pressure need a break. Consider cutting down to half-caf beverages or mixing in some tea/water instead of reaching for coffee.

8. Sleep. What does your evening routine look like? Do you have a consistent bedtime or are you falling asleep in front of Ozarks on the couch? Sleep is the lowest barrier to our physical and mental wellness and making sure we start each day with a full tank is the most foolproof way to have a strong day. Consider adjusting your evening routine to account for a full 8 hours of sleep.

9. Ask for what you need. Instead of walking on eggshells or trying to be the “easiest” one in a crowd of friends, it's okay to speak up for what you need. Group has dinner plans at 830 and that feels too late for you? Let them know you can make an earlier time. Parents want to come visit on a Sunday but that is your lazy recharge day? Let them know that Saturday works better. You serve no one when you avoid telling others what you need to be your best self.

10. Food. Audit and consider how you are choosing to fuel your body. Do the choices you make leave you feeling lethargic, foggy and slow? Or do they feel energizing and uplifting? Do not miss this key component of feeling and acting our best, and seek education or help on a program that will help you feel your best, so you can show up your best.

While these suggestions are far from ground breaking and might not sound “unreal” in and of themselves, what we know is that in order for us to have the mental freedom + flexibility to be able to think about and dream of our unreal life, we need to first start creating that space in our day. Soon enough, your morning meditations might transform into business planning sessions for your unreal life. Or the productivity and calmness you find on the other side of “technology free” time might be exactly what you need to love your job again. Remember, a life is made up of years, months and days, and our days are made up of moments that we get to choose. So, in an effort to create a more unreal life, let's start first with finding small ways to make each day that much better.

Candidly, Kate

Be Wary of the Naked Man Who Offers You a Shirt

This saying has shown up a few times in my world over the last month or so, and whenever something shows up more than once, I pay attention. It either means that there is something God wants me to see, or there is something in me drawn to it. Either way, I listen.

Be wary of the naked man who offers you a shirt. In essence, if someone doesn't even have something themselves, how can they possibly give it away? Moreso, moving away from the tangible example of a shirt… if they DO give it away, is it counterfeit?

A very good friend of mine is working through (thriving through..) an unexpected breakup. As we hash things out, as good friends often do, a word keeps showing up and that word is Grace. She has handled all of this with so much grace, compassion, and, well.. Love. It’s a truly remarkable trait to choose love in the face of rejection and pain, and frankly it’s not one I believe I’d be evolved enough to choose. It was quite apparent from the start, though, that she would be more than fine. Not because it wasn’t devastating or unexpected or earth shattering. But because she possessed the hard-to-find quality that so many of us spend our lives working towards. No, not love from others or support from others. But SELF love. Self love so deep she knows that as much as she might love her ex, she loves herself more. And so long as she loves herself, she will be okay, whether that’s alone, with this ex, or with someone new. And watching her live out this example of self love makes it so much more apparent that she didn't actually lose anything at all with this breakup. She gained back a chance to love herself, fully.

So often we give away our love and approval for ourselves to someone else. We give them the keys to our self identity or approval. And when someone else chooses us, when WE have not chosen us, it can feel extra special. It feels like a type of love and kindness that we never thought we could see. On the other hand, when we practice self love and compassion and kindness for ourselves no matter what, now the bar is higher for who we choose to spend our time with. Because simply choosing us isn't a qualifier anymore. After all, if WE choose us, over and over again, do we ever really need someone else to choose us? And if we don't NEED someone else to choose us, doesn't that make our relationship a true choice out of desire and compatibility and not an aching hole to fill out of necessity?

Let me ask this a different way. If someone chose to spend their life with you, on what grounds would you want them to make that choice? Out of a desperate need of love and validation? Or would you want them to show up to you, wholly themselves, and CHOOSE to be with you without expecting you to fill any void for them? Being someone’s “void filler” can be an impossible job to sign up for, and one that breeds resentment and desperation over time. When we put the burden on others to be everything we ever wanted or needed, we lack responsibility for doing it in our own lives, and we give them the heavy task of showing us the love we haven't been able to show ourselves. And, can we ever really offer them our shirt? Meaning, can we ever truly love them back if we haven't figured out how to love ourselves? Or is that we simply love that they give us something we haven’t figured out how to give ourselves.

And so, be wary of those who give you love, but do not love themselves.

While it’s always easy to sit on the sidelines of someone else's relationship and call shots, a consistent theme among relationships whether romantic or not, is that those that are rooted in self love are often more secure than those who solely rely on feelings of love and happiness to come from an outside source. How secure or consistent can we expect that love or happiness to be when it is coming from a source we cannot control? What would it mean or look like to take accountability for our own love and happiness? While I'm certainly not trying to build a wall that never lets love in, I'm simply trying to reallocate who’s responsible for filling that cup on a regular basis.

Chasing something like love or success is an alluring and sometimes completely worthy goal. But we must be honest about what context we are choosing to receive that love, acceptance or success, so that the love we are choosing stands the test of time.

Candidly,

Kate.

But, Are You Happy?

I was talking with a good friend recently about the difference between being happy and fulfilled. In society and life in general, there is such a heavy emphasis put on the FEELING of happiness, when truly, the true nature of feelings is that they will come and go like clouds in the sky. Meaning, at any given point in our day, we could feel happy, sad, excited, nervous, anxious, or a variety of entirely reasonable human emotions. We can feel these things, ESPECIALLY happiness, without true meaning or fulfillment, though. We can see a funny movie, or hear a song we like that makes us happy, but when we leave the theater or when the song changes, we are still left with the life we are building, which is the sum total of the choices we are making towards the life we have decided we want to live.

What happens when we prioritize fulfillment over happiness?

Well, first we have to understand what fulfillment means. While the definition might be slightly different for each individual,

fulfillment is a deep satisfaction towards the life one is living and the choices one is making. This is where things get confusing, though. To be truly satisfied with life and the choices we are making, does that mean that every single choice we make has to be an easy one? Does that mean every single conversation we have will be a happy one? Sure, in a perfect world there is zero friction or push back on the path towards a fulfilled life, but more often than not we have to fight like hell for the life we want to live, and where we have to fight like hell there is often conflict against the status quo. Therefore, to live a fulfilling life, means to live a life worth FIGHTING for. A life worth having boundaries for. A life worth defending. And, in some moments, fighting for it or defending it might not bring peak happiness. But the ultimate results of what comes from fighting for fulfillment often leads to happiness. See how that works? While happiness is not the precursor to fulfillment, fulfillment very much is the precursor to happiness.

So, what about instead of asking one another if we are happy… what if we asked if we are fulfilled? What if we asked if we are working towards something meaningful? What if we took time to learn more about what truly moves the needle with each and every one of us? Because I can promise you, that if we take the time to truly understand what it takes to experience fulfillment, happiness is just around the corner.

Candidly, Kate